Scurrying Mouse Mode + Bailout Fantasies = Trouble

Are you in scurrying mouse mode, expecting everyone else or some guru to solve all of your problems? Or are you working for someone like that? "At 9am do this, at 2pm do this, at 4:55pm get on the phone with me and talk me off the ledge..." 😵‍💫

➡️ You don't have to allow someone else to disturb your peace.

➡️ If you think everyone else is responsible for solving YOUR problems, you're gonna have a bad time.

➡️ Be careful of energetic chokeholds. If you frame a situation as the last lifeboat off the Titanic, you're probably gonna sink.

Links where I can be found: https://causeyconsultingllc.com/2023/01/30/updates-housekeeping/

Need more? Email me: https://causeyconsultingllc.com/contact-causey/ 

Transcript

Transcription by Otter.ai.  Please forgive any typos!

Welcome to the Causey Consulting Podcast. You can find us online anytime at CauseyConsultingLLC.com, and now here's your host, Sara Causey.

Hello, hello, and thanks for tuning in. In today's episode, I want to talk about what I call scurrying mouse mode, along with bailout fantasies. The two things are definitely interrelated. I've talked about this at least in passing, or at least briefly on my blog and in this podcast. But I wanted to dedicate an entire episode to this topic, because I feel like it's just that important, and it's also something that I'm seeing plenty of. I don't want to belabor this point too much, because we know that the economy is in the dumper. The job market stinks. It's very difficult to find anything right now, whether you're looking for full time w2 work, or you're looking for a contract assignment or just a freelancing gig, things are tough. A lot of companies are not hiring. Some of them are laying off, and the ones who aren't having layoffs are typically having hiring freezes because they don't want to lay anybody off. We don't know what will happen come November or come January, when there's an inauguration, we don't know what'll happen, then either all bets are off, as history has told us, recent history has told us. Who knows? But this type of environment has the tendency to throw gasoline on a fire, so if somebody is already stressed and feeling anxious, this just puts the squeeze on even more. So why do I call it scurrying mouse mode? And what do I mean when I say scurrying mouse mode? Well, I know from personal experience, first hand experience in my first iteration of self employment, when my business failed, as well as with clients that I've worked with, whether I was working with them in a coaching or an advisory capacity, or I was plugged in to do some HR project management work for them. Oh, I've seen scurrying mouse mode. If you've ever walked out into your garage, or in my case, out into the barn, you flip the light switch on and there's a mouse and you're like, ah, and the mouse is like, ah, and the mouse is just everywhere. The mouse just wants to get away from you, get away from the exposure. And they're running in circles. They're here, they're there, they're everywhere. They just want to get out. Those sensations can manifest themselves in your business. I'll give you another for instance, in my first iteration of self employment, I remember I was maybe three or four months in, so not, not far in at all. Quite a bit of the money that I had put back in savings was gone. I was putting up l after l, no, W's. I'd had some deals that got close, but then they would fall apart at the finish line. I remember having a deal that fell apart right around the holidays, and having to call this guy and totally ruin his New Year's and be like, well, it's not going to happen, and I'm really sorry. It just took a lot out of me. And I was having lunch, I worked all the time. I was all the time trying to make something happen, and it was very much in that space, I'm trying to force something to happen. So of course, when we try to force something, it's not going to work. You're putting a choke hold on the energy. But I'll, I'll get in that topic more later. But I was sitting and having lunch, and I'm like, I just don't want to do this. This is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I've always been consistent, a steady Eddie with my production. I've never had these feast famine cycles. This sucks, and I don't want to do it. And I would think about various companies either that had approached me over the years and tried to recruit me, or companies that I had approached and interviewed with and for whatever reason, turned them down or it wasn't a good time, and I was sitting and thinking as I was having my lunch, I just wish that one of those people would call me. For me, there was a tremendous amount of pride as well as shame. I wanted some way to be able to save face. I was putting up this facade that things were going great, and I was really happy, but I was miserable. The business sucked, and it felt like it was sucking the life out of me. I was getting nowhere. And so I'd have these bailout fantasies. Oh, if so and so would just call. If this company would just call, if they would just give me a reasonable offer, I'd leave today. I would roll up the sidewalks on this place and get the hell out today, this has been a failed experiment. I'm not happy. I just want somebody to bail me out, and I wanted them to bail me out in a way where I could spin the narrative. Well, I didn't close my business down. My business was not failing. I just got an offer that was so good I couldn't walk away from it. And so that's why I came back to the corporate world. In my mind, I would sit and have these bailout fantasies. I would also go into scurrying mouse mode. I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere. I'm trying this guru, I'm trying this coach, I'm trying this program. I'm reading this book. I always thought that there was some magic pill that I could take, and it would cure the business's problems overnight. I would even think that way about deals. For that matter, if I could just get this one deal to close the commission I would make off of it would solve all my problems. I could pay off my debt. I could replenish my savings account. I'd be back in the black basically overnight. And those deals never, ever closed. The deals that I closed when I was in that first business were always lower level, small scale, small commission deals, and it would be gone basically overnight by the time I shaved off the amount of money I would need to pay to the tax man, because you don't ever want to run a foul of them, no matter what your situation is, if you run a foul of the tax man, your situation is going to be a hell of a lot worse. By the time I shaved that money off and I had what was left for me to keep, it would go overnight and I would be back broke, robbing Peter to pay Paul, trying to keep my head afloat. It was awful, absolutely awful. So in hindsight, I understand why I was in scurrying mouse mode. I understand why I wanted somebody, anybody, please, to come in and fix the problem. And I understand why I had bailout fantasies. I just want to leave, I just want to get out of here, and I want to be able to do it in a way where I'm not tucking my tail between my legs and leaving an abject embarrassment. Is that too much to ask? But this can also manifest itself, not just in I want to be bailed out, in the sense of leaving the business entirely and closing this thing down. I'm trying to this is my daytime broadcast, closing this bi ot down, rolling the sidewalks I'm getting out. It can also manifest itself when you're trying to save a business. And this is something that I have seen numerous times, either with coaching clients or again, with clients that I'm plugged in in an HR capacity. You just see them frantic at 9am here's the priority. At 2pm It's a different priority. And why aren't you doing this? And how come you haven't walked on water? And why aren't we doing signs, wonders and miracles? And we need it now, and we need it yesterday, and we're, ah, we're freaking out. Nothing good comes from that energy. In my mind, it's like an energetic choke hold, and it doesn't matter what you're applying that to in your life, whether it's a romantic relationship, I've got to lock this down. It's the last life boat off the Titanic. If I don't hurry and railroad this relationship into a marriage proposal and then get to the altar. I'm doomed. The relationship is doomed. How many romantic relationships have really worked out where at least one person felt like I have to do this? My life depends on it. I'm gonna the ship is gonna hit the iceberg and I'm gonna die in the icy waters if I don't lock this down. That's that's not what love really feels like. That's not what a true commitment between two people who have said, I choose you. I want this. That energy is so very different from, damn it. I have to lock this down. I have to have this. I've got a death grip on it. The same thing is true in your business. If you're like, I have to hang on to this. It's in its death throws. It's probably not going to work, but I have to try. I have to go somewhere. I have to do something. In my opinion, and in my experience, you're already doomed. The vehicle has already left the roadway and it's already gone off into the ditch and the engine is smoking, and you can either pick up the pieces and figure out the best way to move forward with your life, or you can stand there on the side of the road trying to rebuild that engine and pour good money after bad and waste a lot of your time. Now that's just my opinion, and it could be wrong. I always say I don't give you advice and I don't tell you what to do. I opine for your entertainment only. I can only speak to my experience, and that's how it was for me. That first iteration that failed took so much out of me, and it threw me into a dark night of the soul, deep depression. It was truly horrible. So in scurrying mouse mode, let's say that somebody is not at the death throes of their business. Maybe the car has exited the roadway and it's in the ditch, but the engine hasn't started to smoke yet,

you can still create a bad situation. Maybe it's salvageable. Maybe you can get an. Mechanic out there to help you fix the engine, and everything will be legitimate. Maybe you can call it tow truck and have it taken to a garage. Those things are possible. But if you're standing on the side of the road screaming, let's say a mechanic shows up and says, Okay, I'll try to work on this for you, and you're here and I'm there. And why aren't you doing this, and why aren't you fixing you're not going to do yourself or that other person any favors, changing priorities. And I want this, but now I want that, and this is what's most important, and it's life or death. That kind of thing drives me up the wall. And I know I'm not the only one. Other project managers and project coordinators and workers feel exactly the same way when it's eight o'clock in the morning and they just sat down and you're like, why haven't you done this? And what about that? And what about this? And I'm freaking out. It's a massive turn off. Most people feel like, I just sat down. You're already coming at me. You're already barking out orders like, can you just not can you maybe take a chill pill for five minutes and calm down that type of high anxiety, high stress energy. For some people, it's contagious, and it's like a wildfire, a brush fire, that turns into a conflagration. But for other people, when you have really put up a healthy boundary, and this, I find it can happen in middle age for some people, and it can happen in older age for others. It just sort of depends, I think, on the maturity scale and where you are and that I've had enough part of your life. I I feel like I hit the curve early, because for me, still being in my 40s, I really reached this point where I was like, it's just not worth a disruption of the piece. I remember reading how JFK told one of his friends I am damn near a piece at any price. President, I hate war. I don't want warfare. I don't want atomic bombs getting dropped. I am just damn near peace at any price. And I'm like, I get it. I totally get it. I think something happens for some of us right around the 40s or 50s, where you just get to this place and you're like, No, no, huh? I'm not going to allow you to pull me into a conflict. I'm not going to allow you to disturb my peace and rattle my sanity. It's just not worth it. So for some people, those high tension, high anxiety situations spread and then you have a whole team of Chicken Littles. But even if you have just one person that has those healthy boundaries and that has set that wall up and said, whatever you're going through is what you're going through. But if you're trying to come over here and spread poison, it's just not going to happen, because I'm not going to accept that from you. There's a Buddhist proverb, and I'll probably butcher it, but it's along those lines, if somebody walks up to you and tries to hand you a hot coal or a glass of poison, and you say, No, thank you. I refuse to receive this, then the person that tried to give it to you is stuck holding it for themselves. You don't have to receive that from that other person. So if you're dealing with, let's say you're plugged in at a company, and you're dealing with a manager or company owner that goes into scurrying mouse mode, you may have to figure out that the best way, perhaps, to keep your job, nobody's trying to get fired out here right now, the best way to keep your job, but also keep your sanity and not allow yourself to get pulled into a nightmare where somebody else is trying to give their panic to you, or somebody else is trying to say that You are the Lord Almighty, and you need to come in and walk on water and turn water into wine and perform signs, wonders and miracles for them in the next five minutes, or they're just going To blow their top? Well, they might just have to blow their top, because I'm human like everybody else. I put my pants on one leg at a time like everybody else. There's only so much that a human being, a finite, fallible human being, can do on a finite, fallible planet. Let's be real.

 So for me, it's a lot of it is about that protection of peace. If I am dealing with somebody that's in scurrying mouse mode, is there something that I can do or say within reason to help them take a deep breath and calm down? Or are they committed to their panic? Are they committed to trying to turn a brush fire into a full scale Inferno. If that would be the case, then I'm very limited on what I'm going to be able to do to talk them out of their freak out as much as you can, from a freelancing or job interview point of view, if you get the sense that somebody is in scurrying mouse mode and you want to avoid that. But try to figure it out during the interview process. But let's also be real yet again, some people are super talented at hiding their crazy, and they may seem very down to earth, very reasonable during the interview process. And then as soon as you get onboarded or you join a project as a freelancer, that's when they wig out. Ah, everything's the most important thing on earth and do this and do that, and why haven't you done this? And a lot of those people, also, I find they they tend to spaz out first thing in the morning when you're not in the mood for it. Okay, I'm thinking of Michael Douglas and falling down. I've had a rare morning, you know, he just wants to go in and get his breakfast. He doesn't feel like being jacked with they want to stir up mess first thing in the morning when you've just barely sat down, because it's like they've been way like they've been waiting for you. It's like a hawk I'm waiting for my prey to show up so I can just ride on them, or they stir up mess. At the end of the day, you're already thinking about what you got to do. The kids are going to be home from school. Spouse is going to be home from work. We've got to do this and this and that. We need to run errands. Somebody needs new soccer cleats, whatever you're thinking about the next thing that's going to happen in your life that day. And so at 4:55pm they want to start mess. Why haven't you done this? And how about that? And turn in this report, and I need this by EOB, and blah, blah, blah. And you're like, oh God, you've had all day. You have to tell me now, you have to do this now. I think that's another area where you have to figure out, where's the give and take here. I don't want to get fired, I don't want to make anybody deliberately mad, but at the same time, I have a life. I'm getting ready to clock out, and I'm not going to allow their freak out to disturb my peace. I'll do what I can do within a reasonable time frame, and then I'm going to have to log off and go on with my day. It's just how it is. I haven't sold my soul to this job. It always feels more personal when it's your business at the same time. One of the things that I like to do whenever I hire a freelancer to complete a project or to help me with something is just remember, it's my business. It's not their business. They're plugging in. They're here for a paycheck, and that's that. It's not my place to dunk things on them that they're not being paid to do, to outsource a task to them and pay them for it. Yeah, absolutely. But to pull them into a maelstrom of internal business conflict. No, that's not acceptable behavior, and it shouldn't be done. So if you find yourself in scurrying mouse mode, I think it's super important to get quiet, to really sit with yourself, and sometimes journaling can help as well. Whatever it is that speaks best to you, whether it's going into a quiet space and just thinking of these things in your head, or it's going into a quiet space without disruption, with a pen and paper and just writing, just free association, writing, what's bothering me, what is this really about? So many times in life, I have found if we can get into that space of stillness and ask ourselves this question, what am I really upset about? What is my fear? What am I afraid is about to happen? Just being in that space of being real with yourself can not only help you to illuminate what am I actually upset about? What's going on with me for real, it can help you to suss out a solution to that problem. What would be a good solution? What could I do next? It would make me feel better if I would have a better handle on my own emotions if I did this, and if it's like, well, I would have a better handle on my emotions if somebody else did blah, blah, blah. For me, that's the wrong answer, because at the end of the day, you control you. You don't control all of these other people. If the answer that comes up is, well, I just need better freelancers. I need better employees. I need sales professionals that can deliver better leads. Everybody else around me is crap and I'm wonderful, and I just don't deserve this. You probably need to sit with yourself longer and really consider, or maybe think about seeing a professional, a good therapist, a good counselor, who can maneuver the conversation around in such a way that it will help you to understand that internal locus of control. Here's what I'm responsible for. Here's what I can do at the end of the day, and I can't count on everybody else to be Jesus or to be God. I have to take human beings for what they are and what they're capable of, and if the business is in trouble, face it head on, instead of getting into these bailout fantasies of some guru is going to come along and wave a magic wand and it's going to all be better, or I'm going to hire some magical sales person, I'm going to hire some magical freelancer, and everything's going to be peaches and cream after that happens, all you're doing is further setting yourself up for disappointments and failure and throwing good money after bad hiring somebody that promises you the moon because they see that you're vulnerable and. Then they take the money and run and there's very little you can do about it after it happens. Points to Ponder, stay safe, stay sane, and I will see you in the next episode.

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